Dissolve

When I took a drum making workshop from a Kitsumkalum elder she said that we can’t sell, trade or keep the first drum we make. We can give it away when we expect nothing in return. Even though it took me probably 8 years to give my drum away, when I did, I gave it to the exact right person at the right time and expected nothing in return. It was such a heart opening experience for both of us.

This practice of gifting/giving away something handmade, and treasured dearly, has made an impression on me and, I acknowledge, doesn’t come easily. Growing up in a market driven economy I was raised to get something in return for things and it became second nature. So, retraining myself to think/act differently naturally feels awkward and uncomfortable.

I intuitively knew that releasing my first opening vessel to the ocean was going to be part of my summer residency project - Comraiche. I purposely did not put this piece in the bisque kiln and waited until I was ready to give her away without expecting anything in return. It became clear to me this sphere was to dissolve in the ocean. I could add people, places and/or things from my past, that I no longer needed to hold onto, into the belly of this vessel and she would take those burdens/weights with her as she dissolved into great mama ocean.

Sometimes time takes time and we hold onto things until we are ready to let them go. I prepared a ceremony around the full moon. This sphere would help support my letting go.

This short video clip below is of the cracking and bursting open after the vessel sank to the bottom of the ocean. I watched as she dissolved and felt a pang of sadness seeing her break apart and for the necessary letting go of things of my past that were weighing me down and holding me back.

As I witnessed new life coming to investigate the clay pieces and particles, I felt the awe of sacrifice and immense gratitude for this ceramic form that surrendered itself for the sake of something else. I let go of expectations, and needing to know what ‘something else’ was, and waited on the shoreline during high tide until dusk at which time magnificent shades of pink filled the sky.

The moment of bursting open